ACADEMY
A modern school where football is taught.

ACQUAINTANCE
A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough
to lend to.

ADMIRATION
Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.

ALONE
In bad company.

BIGOT
One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do
not entertain.

BRIDE
A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

CONSERVATIVE
A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the
Liberal, who wishes to replace them with others.

EDUCATION
That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack
of understanding.

FRIENDSHIP
A ship big enough to carry two in fair weather, but only one in foul.

HABIT
A shackle for the free.

IDIOT
A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs
has always been dominant and controlling.

LANGUAGE
The music with which we charm the serpents guarding another's treasure.

LITIGATION
A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.

MARRIAGE
The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress
and two slaves, making in all, two.

NONCOMBATANT
A dead Quaker.

POLITICS
A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.

VOTE
The instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of
himself and a wreck of his country.